


Desperate Measures

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apples of Idunn, Difficult Decisions, Established Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Mortality Feels, Protective Loki (Marvel), Secret Relationship, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 23:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19037323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony is dying. In order to save him, Loki makes a difficult choice.





	Desperate Measures

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** — _“This isn’t what I wanted.”_

Loki thought he knew fear. He thought he knew what it was to feel his heart in his throat, to feel like the whole world had been pulled away from under his feet. But while holding Anthony bloody and dying, the pure agonised _terror_ was like nothing that Loki had ever felt before.

It should never have happened– they were at an event for Stark Industries, a corporate gala that was raising funds for the firefighters of the city. Loki had been perfectly happy to attend with Anthony, and not only because a party for the rich and gullible was the perfect place to cause chaos, but also because it was a good cause– and because Anthony had _asked_.

There was security present of course – _‘Like there always is, these days,’_ Anthony had said – and there were three Avengers in attendance, as well as Loki himself– though of course, no one else was aware of that particular fact.

Loki had been forced to come in disguise– or, well, not really in _disguise_ since she had still come as herself, wearing an emerald green dress that flowed to the floor and that had made it rather difficult for Anthony to keep his hands to himself. But no one present knew that it was _her_ , so for all intents and purposes, yes, she was hidden from view.

And in the beginning, the evening had been _fun_. She had not left Anthony’s arms for a moment, and they had laughed and danced and made the whole room jealous of them both. By the time Ms Potts came over to speak with Anthony, they were already leaning upon each other, arms around waists and heads upon shoulders.

Ms Potts had eyed Loki curiously, but had not made a comment about the way that they were pressed together. And perhaps, if Loki had known her well enough to be sure, she would have said that Ms Potts almost looked like she approved.

She had been loath to move away, but when Ms Potts asked to speak to Anthony alone Loki pressed a kiss to Anthony’s cheek and then left them without complaint, moving to the bar to get them some drinks in the meantime.

And it was then, when Loki was too far away to do anything that it had happened– and it happened so _fast_.

Loki was focused on her lover while she waited to be served, her gaze following every move he made– so she saw when his eyes suddenly widened, when he grabbed Ms Potts’ shoulder and shoved her to the side in the same moment that a gunshot tore through the room—

Anthony’s whole body jerked, and Loki was already running before he had even hit the ground, blood pooling though his expensive suit. The dress was a hinderance at first, but Loki was in full armour before she had even reached him, seiðr cracking through the air all around her. There were people screaming but Loki didn’t care, she simply threw himself to the ground at Anthony’s side, her knees slamming into the ground and her hands coming to the wound in Anthony’s chest.

“No,” she gasped, trying to press seiðr into the injury– but it wasn’t _enough_ , it was never going to be enough. Anthony’s already battered heart was beating its last, and Loki couldn’t heal him.

“Hey, Lokes,” Anthony rasped, his voice so weak and almost gurgling at the edges, his lungs damaged and not able to take in air.

“You’re going to be fine,” Loki told him desperately, tears stinging her eyes, her voice breaking and cracking in a thousand places.

And Anthony smiled, his eyes slipping closed as if he were _accepting_ what was happening.

No. _No._

She had to do something _—_

 _I can’t lose him_.

Loki twisted her hand through the air and reached into one of her pocket dimensions, pulling forth her most prized possession. She had begun working towards obtaining it from the moment she had started to decipher her own feelings for the mortal, knowing that a single, _human_ lifetime with him would never be enough. And when Loki had managed to steal one without detection some months ago and he had held the beautiful fruit in his hand, he had been… afraid. Because while it meant that he would never have to lose the man that he loved, that he would never need to let Anthony go… he was afraid of how much it would hurt if Anthony said no.

So she had waited, searching for a sign that a longer life was something that Anthony might want, for an indication that should she ask, he would respond with a _yes_. And when she did ask… well, she had already planned it. She would do it in the morning, when they had just woken up, after she had fetched Anthony his first coffee of the day. Loki loved the way that Anthony’s eyes would brighten when she did that, like even just the scent was enough to bring happiness to his tired mind– or maybe, just the sight of Loki. And once Anthony was awake enough think, when they were pressed next to each other once again, just enjoying the simple comfort of being together… that is when she would ask.

And, providing it was what Anthony wanted, it would be perfect. 

But in that very moment, it wasn’t about Anthony living forever– this was about Anthony living _at all._

And in the face of losing Anthony in that moment, of never seeing him again, there was only one thing she ever could have brought herself to do.

Her seiðr split the apple to pieces, into something manageable, and she leaned over Anthony with determination scratching at her fear.

She could hear shouting behind him– maybe Ms Potts, or Romanoff, or Rogers trying to get through the crowd, trying to stop her from doing something nefarious. But her seiðr flared instinctively and shoved them away, leaving her to focus on what was important.

Once the apple was cut small enough, Loki squeezed the pieces tight in her hands, letting the juice trickle through her fingers and into the wound, coaxing it with her magic until it flowed into Anthony’s bloodstream and into his _heart_ – which was still beating, still _fighting_.

Then Loki held the mashed remains of the apple to Anthony’s lips, willing, _praying_ for Anthony to eat, to _heal_ , to get better and stay with her, in Loki’s arms, happy and smiling and _alive_.

And just as Loki was about to give up, just as the sobs were wracking through her body and the pain became too much– Anthony’s eyes opened, his lips parted, and he took a bite. The apple already in his blood gave him the strength to chew, to swallow until Loki’s hand was empty and Anthony’s heartbeat was strong.

Loki all but fell onto him when it was done, curling her arms over his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his lips, not caring for the blood that stained them or the juice on his chin. The only thing that mattered was that Anthony was going to _live_.

But as the fear faded to relief and the world began to fall back into place, Loki came into awareness of the madness around them, of _all_ the Avengers, now, not just those two that had been invited to the party. There were police officers and paramedics and Ms Potts was _right there_ , her hands over her moth, her eyes wide in horror.

Loki realised that in her desperation she had revealed Anthony’s connection to a _criminal_ , and so she condemned him to being seen as such as well. And perhaps with their combined skill with words they could have talked their way out of it, could have been able to come up with some excuse, but Anthony was still vulnerable. His breathing was calm and steady but his eyes were still cold, his body still pliant as the apple needed time to work.

Leaving held the risk of jostling Anthony’s still healing injury but staying was far more dangerous, and so with one last flare of his seiðr Loki wrapped Anthony in his arms and took him away, leaving only the blood slicked across the floor in their wake.

—

Loki’s first thought had been to take Anthony to her own apartment, since the Avengers did not know where it was. But, the doubt crept into her mind and she took them to Anthony’s penthouse instead, knowing that for the conversation which would need to take place, it would be important for Anthony to feel comfortable.

Once the apple had closed the wound, Loki cleaned Anthony’s clothes with a light brush of seiðr, and then transformed them into something more comfortable. Loki then both transformed himself and removed his own armour, not wanting the reminder of how it had been painted with Anthony’s lifeblood. Then, he waited, sitting cross-legged on the large mattress beside his love, his head in his hands and a thousand shadowed thoughts curling through his mind.

Anthony had eaten the apple. The golden fruit now flowed through his veins, and he already looked a little different– his hair less grey, his skin a little less lined, not necessarily younger but as if every cell in his body was being given a fresh start. This _should_ have been a happy moment, the beginning of their long lives together, the start of something beautiful. But… Loki could only feel anguish, because he had stolen a choice from Anthony, and that was something that he did not think he could forgive himself for.

Because while Loki wanted Anthony to live as long as he with every bone in his body and every inch of his soul, he knew that Anthony had so much more than just their relationship to think about.

Anthony _was_ a mortal, and that was his whole life. He had friends and a company and a whole team of superheroes, and to become immortal and spend an eternity with Loki had the potential to disrupt that. Of course, Loki never would ask Anthony to leave any of those things. They could remain on Midgard and stay just as they were, only for _longer_ – well, at least until Anthony inevitably lost his friends, until Midgard moved on as it always did.

Because all of Anthony’s friends would remain mortal– the Avengers, James Rhodes, and of course, Ms Potts as well. Anthony had just taken a bullet for her, he loved her enough that he had been willing to _give his life_ for her, but now… he was going to have to watch her grow old and wither away while he remained as young as ever.

It was the prospect that Loki had faced for months, and he knew exactly how much a thought like that could hurt. It was enough to bring a person to their knees– and more than enough to hate, especially when it was forced upon you without your consent.

So as time passed, as the minutes stretched, as Loki stared at Anthony’s peaceful expression, he was tearing apart from the inside out. And by the time Anthony’s eyes opened, awake and alert and _alive_ , Loki was barely holding himself together.

Anthony gasped as he woke and tried to sit up, and that was enough to pull Loki from his thoughts– at least, for now. He leaned forward and took Anthony by the shoulders– not to stop him, just to help him lean back against the headboard.

“You are all right,” Loki said, the words tasting a little sour no matter how true they were.

“I think I got shot,” Anthony groaned, his chin tilting as his eyes darted down to his chest, his hands coming to press against the smooth skin where the bullet had hit. “Did you heal me?”

“In a way,” Loki answered with a wince, not wanting to hide what had happened, though he had wished that he could have had a few more moments before broaching the topic. He should have known better though– Anthony’s curiosity had never known any bounds. “There is something we must speak about.”

“Don’t tell me this is the Bad Place,” Anthony replied, glancing around– and although Loki didn’t understand it, he did recognise the words as a joke. Of course, the presence of humour didn’t necessarily mean that things were fine where Anthony was concerned, but it helped to soothe Loki’s nerves nonetheless.

“When the bullet hit you, it went through one of your lungs,” Loki told him, and Anthony’s eyes widened. “Your heart was slowing, and the injury was too great for me to heal with my seiðr.” He swallowed down the pain at the memory. “There wasn’t anything that I could have done.”

“But, you did heal me,” Anthony said, confused. “I’m right here, I’m _alive_.”

“Yes,” Loki agreed. “But I… I was forced to take a more drastic measure. I fed you a golden apple.”

There was a moment where Anthony’s brown eyes were only lit with confusion, his brow creasing into a frown. But then they widened in realisation, and Loki steeled himself for what he knew was about to come.

“A golden apple?” Anthony whispered, almost disbelieving. “You mean…”

“Yes,” Loki said again. “It healed you, but it also extended your lifespan. You will now live as long as any Aesir, and far longer than any other mortal.”

“I’m going to live as long as you?” Anthony asked, breathless, his eyes distant– and Loki felt that ache right down to the bone.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching out to cup Anthony’s cheek but not having the courage to do so when he wasn’t sure it would be welcome, too afraid to put himself into the position where he could face rejection. “I’m so sorry that this happened, it never should have been this way.”

Anthony’s eyes flashed to his. “You’re _sorry?”_ he asked incredulously.

“I know, I know that isn’t enough, that it will never be enough for what I have done to you,” Loki said. He closed his eyes and let his head fall to Anthony’s shoulder, wanting to stay close but not able to watch, not wanting to see the pain enter Anthony’s eyes as he realised exactly what this meant. “Anthony, I’m so, so sorry. It’s not something that I can undo, and I did not mean to force it upon you. You are going to outlive the other humans– but I swear, I will always remain by your side, for as long as you wish me to.”

“Loki…” Anthony whispered, and Loki almost whined when he felt Anthony’s hand begin to stroke his hair.

“This isn’t what I wanted,” Loki promised, his breath hitching. “I had hoped to ask you first, in a moment that was sweet and unhurried. I have always hoped that you would agree to live as long as I, that we could have as much time as you wished– but I never would have done this without knowing that you wanted it as well. I would have waited until a perfect day, a day when we were both happy. When there was no reason to lengthen your life other than the fact that we wanted to be together, but, instead… you were dying, and I couldn’t stand to lose you.”

Anthony’s gaze was agonised when Loki lifted his head to meet it, and he parted his lips to speak– but Loki hurried to continue before Anthony could, needing to finish.

“Anthony, I love you,” he said. “And I know that I always will. Though I… I would understand… if this was too much, if you need me to give you some space—”

“Oh, Loki, no,” Anthony, whispered, one of his hands moving from Loki’s hair to his cheek, stroking the skin there with a soft smile– a smile that was comforting, that was only pained, Loki realised, because _Loki_ had been.

“Anthony?” he asked, not quite daring to hope, but also not quite capable of seeing anything but love in that smile.

“It might not have gone the way that you wanted,” Anthony told him, smile still in place, his gaze a little sad and yet tender. “But Loki, that doesn’t mean that it’s something I _didn’t_ want at all.”

Loki’s eyes widened, and his response was a breathless whisper. “What?”

“Loki, I’m _alive_ thanks to you,” Anthony said. “And not only that, but I am going to live as long as you. We have centuries ahead of us, centuries of being together. How could I be sorry for all of that?”

He leaned in as if to prove his point, but the kiss was so much more than that. Their lips came together to comfort, to reassure, to _love_ , and they kissed like they knew that they would never have to stop, that _this_ was something they would never have to lose. Loki held Anthony as close as he could, pressing into him as they both leaned against the headboard, almost coming to sit fully in Anthony’s lap. And as they parted, gasping and breathless and _content_ , Loki felt his mouth curve into a smile.

“You truly do not mind?” Loki asked, his lips lingering against Anthony’s.

“Loki,” Anthony answered, his smile soft. “I'm truly _happy_.”

And Loki knew that they had much still to deal with– that the Avengers and the world would now know about their relationship, that Anthony would still have to come to terms with the fact that he would outlive his friends. But despite the difficulties that they would face, there was one fact that shone brightly amongst all the rest.

They had centuries together, and that?

Well, that sounded more than perfect.


End file.
